Derealization and Depersonalization: When Reality Loses Focus.

Your brain can play mind-blowing tricks on you. But it has good intentions.

Have you ever had that freaky feeling that you’re in a dream — but you’re actually awake?

Nothing particularly strange may be happening but something about the world around you seems less… real?

Or maybe it’s more of an inward disconnection. You may wake up one morning and it feels as though something within you has shifted. Although your memory is intact, you don’t feel like the same person you were yesterday. Everything in your life seems strangely distant.

During these episodes, you may be well aware that your sense of detachment is only a feeling and not reality — but it is kind of disturbing all the same. The experience can be difficult to describe. You feel like a spectator — rather than the protagonist — of your own life.

It may leave you feeling hopeless, apathetic, and even depressed.You may even head down an existential spiral where you question the reality and relevance of everything — understandably making your daily responsibilities seem to fade in importance.

These episodes may last hours, days, weeks or even months at a time.

Every one of us has at least moments where we can relate to this — existential sensations described by philosophers throughout history — such as Sartre and Camus. So is this just a part of the human condition?

After experiencing bouts neurological derealization-depersonalization disorder myself, during the days following a seizure (more on that here), I vouch that this can escalate far beyond the usual “is anything real?” inner turmoil many people get upon waking up at 3am.

For me, it is a complete shift in perspective which makes everything look and feel tangibly different, and can have both terrifying and strangely calming effects (and more on that down below).

The exact cause is yet to be pinned down. Some people may be more vulnerable to experiencing depersonalization and derealization than others, possibly due to genetic and environmental factors. Heightened states of stress and fear may also trigger episodes. Many people get this in their adulthood after surviving through childhood trauma, or experimenting with cannabis or psychedelics in their youth. It is also a common companion to those who suffer from epileptic or psychogenic seizures.

Passing feelings of depersonalization or derealization are common and aren’t necessarily a cause for concern. But ongoing or severe feelings of detachment and distortion of your surroundings can be a sign of an underlying disorder or neurological problem.

As an often overly-anxious person myself, once you get past the initial alarm of these two D’s, they can be strangely comforting.

Hear me out — as any fellow anxious person will know, we are plagued with racing thoughts and irrational obsessions over details every waking minute.

But during an episode of derealization, it is as though the senses have been partially numbed or muffled. You still hear and see just fine, but since everything seems slightly more distant — slightly removed — this can actually reduce my anxiety levels.

As for depersonalization — similarly, that odd sensation that you are now different somehow only contributes to you caring slightly less about the stuff which usually keeps you up at night.

Although emotional detachment has negative connotations, for those who are usually too emotionally attached — it can be somewhat of a relief to temporarily remove yourself from this.

Arguably, this is essentially the aim of the disorder — as a curious coping mechanism for the over-active mind.

Overall, derealization and depersonalization are very strange, little-understood neurological phenomena which many of us experience at some time or another for various reasons.

And although I would not wish them on anyone, I can’t help noticing that they accompany an unmatched level of inner-calm which my normally-frazzled mind had never really experienced before.

But of course, if you are having a hard time with derealization and/or depersonalization, then please seek help. If this detached feeling goes on for too long, it can be really isolating and unnerving.

See a neurologist; rule out any more serious conditions that may be bringing this on. But also explore ways to reconnect with yourself by experimenting with mindfulness, meditation, and therapy.

Take this experience as an opportunity to truly know yourself, and strengthen your sense of self. It can be a long road, but in the end, it’s really all we have.